So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
