Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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