I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
