Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
