my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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