who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
