I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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