I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
