found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
