i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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