So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
