We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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