this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
