after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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