Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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