the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
