I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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