community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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