my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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