I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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