I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
be right there i have to get my cape
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
