I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
