i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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