if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
the raccoons are back...
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