the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
