Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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