Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
