No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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