Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
