I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
