Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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