Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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