You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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