I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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