she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
