I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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