She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
