All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
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