Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
