Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
