Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
