You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
