I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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