Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
