At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
