ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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