i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
