I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
