If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
the condom got lost in my hair
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
