Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
