I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Enjoy the penises
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
