My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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