so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
