i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
