Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My vagina is officially offended.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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