Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
