my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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